This frakking (I’ve been watching Battlestar (judge me, it’s a good show)) chair drives me insane: When you lean the back support falls out of its ‘peg,’ which also connects the back-left leg to the ground, causing its sitter to slump left (like a table does when one leg is shorter than all of the others). It’s not detrimental to work or anything. It’s just going to add a straw on the stack of frivolous mental encumbrances, which will lead to baldness, self-loathing, poor social confidence, foot disease and insomnia. It’s akin to the drumming of neighbors the floor above and yelps and thuds and coughs and groans from all other directions (some yet to be found by people in the profession of looking for directions yet to be found), and not getting the kind of soup you want because the deli’s closed after a day of working late at an internship (that doesn’t pay) where the work you did was found to be ultimately irrelevant.
It was a lentil.
I didn’t realize it was 2009 until today. I mean, that information was most likely stored somewhere in the back of my subconscious but yesterday I was stuck between the years 2008 and 2009. I couldn’t bring part of my mind past that annual threshold. Makes some sense to me, actually. I recently have felt that I’m incapable of investing myself in the time period I’m in, of taking in the environment of the present, sparing myself the pining for whatever the future holds, knocking off the nostalgia. And this damn chair won’t hold together either. Comfort in time and chairs: both elude me.
The technology to print documents is fascinating, especially for anyone who’s ever made their way through the elementary school system. Certificates are far more accessible when printing technology is within reach. Sometimes I consider drafting something up on Word or some other publishing software. Something saying, “We’re proud to award Stephen Jablonski, an all-around exceptional individual, with this Certificate of All-Around Exceptionalivitiness” (and there’d be an X and a line where someone would sign and date the document). But then that’s when I realize that a certificate like that requires more than its tangibility. It needs someone to sign it. I wouldn’t feel comfortable signing a document of this nature because for one, I’ve created it and for two, I don’t necessarily agree with what it’s claiming. My ego would have to be at least encouraged by one other person and I doubt anyone would sign this without bribery or blackmail, and what kind of person would I be to go around bribing and blackmailing people to sign certificates I’d made on my personal computer (PC) and/or Mac(intosh)? Not an all-around exceptional one, I’m fairly sure of that. No, I’d probably need the resolve of a body of people. Not something as small as a squad but nothing as big as a population, but some institution of reasonable individuals could most likely get the job done. And I don’t have enough money to bribe or enough time to blackmail that many people, which solves that quandary. But then, with that many people you’d think they could do better than to award me with a certificate that I had made myself. You’d think they could even spring for a trophy taking into account the finances reasonable people most likely have at their disposal. And I don’t mean one of those plastic trophies they give every kid regardless of athletic ability in soccer, baseball or racquetball little leagues. I mean something that was molten at one point and then cast into some shiny trinket (I don’t know the specific process, but I want the potential of losing limbs in the operation of crafting my award).
And that’s very demanding of me. I don’t deserve this certificate. I’m turning the computer off now.
Mr. Stephen Jablonski.